I bring it all on myself. I cannot understand why I cannot bring myself to care more about what happens to me academically, but that I want to kill myself now that i’m almost sure I’ve fucked up past the point of being fixable.

I don’t care about going to college anymore but quitting is not an option. i can’t do that to my mum.

Then why would i even think of doing something I know hurts her more like indulging my suicidal tendencies.

maybe because i want help. I need help. But even i wouldn’t believe me when i say that. Melodramatic me.

Me who breaks down the second after they arrive at a friend’s house unannounced then flips into shits and giggles the moment any other point of conversation is brought up.

I flip off. I cannot stay depressed. The moment you talk about ANYTHING else, my brain fixes on that and pushes the stressful thought out in a blink. Of course it turns right back on the moment I’m alone.

Ha, why am I so weak.